There shall be no more skinny legged/roomy top’ed silhouettes. Pull that belt, corset your mini dress and puff your hips, shorty. Adopt the shoulder pads and burn your Ray Bans – you, the Urban Outfitters kids, and since you won’t be able to find that perfect tan-coloured wide-shouldered suede jacket there, head down to the real outlet, hunt it down and cut out the back to reveal the lining.

Abort the remade vintage – the only true make do and mend is second-hand. Pass your plimsolls on to your younger hipster sister and tower high in the wooden curve wedge sock boots.

For we are the candy-coloured Mondrian-esque dresses,

curvy cowboy hats,

90’s suede blazers, slashed white denim slacks

and western shirts

– and no one said that any of this is bad taste…not anymore.